Mr Richard E. Costermonger Esq wrote-

Sirs,

My giddy aunt, there has been a lot of loose talk over resent years about those who have been placed above us by happenstance.

As a gentleman’s valet it has been my privilege to serve many a right honourable gentleman for more than twenty years, I have to report they are a very much maligned group of people.

There has been a lot of tosh written about our betters, as if the common herd are taking into their collective bonces that there is something wrong with privilege. Why I have to ask are you of under-classes not content with the realisation that you are genetically inferior’? Why do you think God created a system of inter breeding for the upper classes if it was not to keep power away from your squalid gene pool?

I personally  hold you  and your type of discontents responsible for much of this  inane chatter.

My gentleman Lord Fergus of Othnigar, has been a member of the dinner club ‘Gentlemen in surge’ for  many years. Do I really have to point out to you this is just a normal establishment for the well  at healed. The ‘Gentlemen in surge’ club was established in 1845  for those good souls who have a predilection for  wearing  suits, after dinner high jinx, and meeting similar parties of the right social stature.

Since 1991 I have had to put up with reading a lot of drivel, even in the quality press, blaming this club and presumably all it members for all the ills in the world. People saying it is a Jewish plot etc. Let me assure you there are no members of ‘Gents in Surge’ that are Jewish in origin (do you think the members of such an esteemed club would accept as a brother an individual of that dubious background? Well honestly that would take the biscuit! True the members do buy their suits from Manny Shinwell’s gentlemen’s outfitters Clarkenwell Berkshire, but surly nobody would think a tailor could weald any sort power when faced with the committee.

It has come to a pretty pass when every time there is some sort of to do in Arab land that the members of my employer’s club are blamed for it. Bombings, shootings and all sorts of goings on. Yes I read this sort of thing every day it now seems, gentlemen in surge did this that or the other they say. (I have also to mention as a side issue the falling standards of the education system, journalists nowadays use all sort of poor spellings and abbreviations hither and thither. Children these days seem far too concerned twonking on their Samsungs, and not being taught  how to write correctly, and I have to ask where are the teachers in all this? I have to say  standards have certainly gone down since the Nanny state outlawed the cane, strap, and noose from these comprehensive schools with their anything goes policies.)

Anyway back to the point, I want it to be known that blaming my employer’s club for every bally thing that goes on will have to stop, and I will be able to once again read my paper without headlines like ‘insurgents’  did this or that monkey business!

Mr Richard E. Costermonger Esq

Gentleman’s Gentleman.