Sunday, 1 December 2013

Did those feet.

To you people at the ALA who mock the good book.

The New Testament explained scientifically. By the reverend Norman du Sautoy-Blainkinsopp Cof E.

There are many things in the Bible which may well superficially seem wondrous, and are used by those with doubts to undermine the teachings of the Bible. However with a more educated mind one can quickly see simple coherent solutions that are perfectly reasonable explanations for some of the more exotic parts of the good book. There is no need for one to turn one’s back on rational physics, as many of these doubters claim.
There are parts of the Jesus story which may on the surface seem inconsistent with our knowledge of physics, but which  on closer examination are not only easily accounted for, but that in  themselves throw light on the whole story.
For a long time the doubters have scoffed at the story of the virgin birth, using terms like impossible, and saying that could never happen, However as science has advanced  there is now no doubting the existence of Parthenogenesis. Not only does reproduction without the need for intercourse not break the rule of physics, but we now know it is a common occurrence among some lizards. And through study of this subject, and experimentation on animals like dolly the sheep, it can now be said that we understand a good deal about this subject.
There seems to be good reason why most animals reproduce sexually, which is that in swapping DNA it seems to lessen the chances of a single infection running unchecked through the whole species. Also inbreeding can lead to genetic errors. I have also read that in many of the cloned animals like dolly the sheep they have shown significant signs of physical weakness, shortened life span and the like. So if we accept that on one hand in parthenogenesis the living thing might be bred true on the other there is an element that some minor abnormalities might be displayed.
Now let us think about what we mean by abnormality. Often we confuse disability and abnormality thinking of them as the same thing, but could we not say a child protégée gifted at say maths is abnormal. So would it not be rational to think our lord was at least gifted with some abnormalities, and if so this would this not be entirely consistent with Virgin Birth?
In direct evidence there is very little about our lord’s features, but by examining the tale closely we can draw some direct evidence and in putting these fragments together we are able to come up with simple and truthful explanations for parts of the story  which hither to, unbelievers have been known to throw scorn on.
Thus when we think about parthenogenesis and the characteristics that come with it can we find explanations about the stories of the Messiah?
Yes we can, there is an explanation for why the crucifixion, which was designed to be a method of execution that took many days took such a relatively short time in this case. We are able to say why he rode into Jerusalem on an ass, and this will show that the walking on water was far from being a fantastic fairytale was a normal reportage of the truth. Further more, at last we can in doing this talk about the specific appearance of Jesus.
Now would it surprise you all of the above could be explained by just one feature of our lords body, just one attribute our lord was gifted with. Do we not encounter the mind of god when we see that which would bring down many men, is a disability that elevates another to the very vaults of heaven. And but putting the parts together we can see this is as true of Christ himself as it is of all of Gods creation.
God endowed his son with massive feet. Once this is understood everything makes sense. Normal birth would be out of the question if the feet are so large. Jesus would find it difficult to walk long distances without a rest. Which is why he needed a long sit down in the temple as a child, and had to complete the last leg (no pun intended) of the journey to Jerusalem on a donkey. Walking and balancing on water would become a breeze with large enough feet that floated on the lake. Also the weight of massive feet when he was nailed to the cross would be very taxing and as such probably did hasten his death. Even the ascension is explained. Once the body is laid to rest on his back  his massive feet would be the highest points on the body, consequently as the body starts to decompose the gasses produced would tend to  levitate to the highest points and once the feet were inflated sufficiently this would naturally lift the body skyward, also the  rapid inflation of  the feet in an enclosed tomb creating a massive air pressure would obviously explain why the seal on the tomb would be broken, and  the stone  then naturally pushed from the door. Thus the ascension is not some made up story, but the very working of Physics!

Who could Doubt that!

You see people of the ALA you now have not a leg to stand on.

Friday, 29 November 2013

Hark this you Poltroons, cowards, skulkers and dastards

Let it be known that this noncompliance dance being put about by that Mr flaming crocodile spacemen Icke  has  nothing  to do  with the noble art of Irish dancing. It is not originated from, transcribed from or has in any way connection  with  the beautiful and expressive arts of the emerald isle. The unedifying sight of Mr Icke cavorting about in his gym knickers does nothing for me, and I would leave it as that if it was not for this Icke person  claiming he was taught the dance  by a long dead druid from Donegal. How dare he join up these dots and then place himself at the centre of it. This is further exacerbated that this Messiah of the bewildered is following the money all the way to the bank, and it is said will be selling exclusive videos of his dance-a-cise programme to  all of his flock. This must be stopped now! Michael Flatley will be spinning in his grave.

Have these people no scruples, is this just another example of the English boot treading all over the culture if Ireland? When will this humiliation end?

This proper Irish dancing

This is not the same thing at all

Look they move their arms!

Ibrahim Cossovf,

Director of the international Institute of dead from the waste up Irish dance studio Association.

Thursday, 28 November 2013

You got to hear I gotta Warn you'll!

Like Man just what are we freaking looking at
These folks look all normal to you,yes they do to me just like my folks having a shindig, but they sure as an’t!
You all call me a conspiracy nut, but like they’ve all been infiltrated. I an’t been taken in. Yo, yeah, and I know who is at the back of it all man. Yo and I have knows it for years man.Yeah you’ll put me down. Said I stunk, like a wet raccoon. You goats, you’ll eat all their lies man. Well I got footage now your gunna have to sit up and listen to this ‘fruit cake’ now an’t yar!
Its all about tea man, just follow the money. It is about tea and its always been about tea, and it won’t stop being about tea, until you all get down on the streets. All those little iddy biddy leaves floating about in your fluids, getting at your brain man. In here, infecting your soul man! What you gunna do? You got to reach down and get in there man, grab a hold of it, pull it out and shove it in their faces man, You got to show them we an’t gunna take it laying down, this an’t  no party. I an’t gunna drink you’r tea dude. I’m turning off your faucet dude. Don’t you dare recon I don’t know -


Mr Richard E. Costermonger Esq wrote-

My giddy aunt, there has been a lot of loose talk over resent years about those who have been placed above us by happenstance.
As a gentleman’s valet it has been my privilege to serve many a right honourable gentleman for more than twenty years, I have to report they are a very much maligned group of people.
There has been a lot of tosh written about our betters, as if the common herd are taking into their collective bonces that there is something wrong with privilege. Why I have to ask are you of under-classes not content with the realisation that you are genetically inferior’? Why do you think God created a system of inter breeding for the upper classes if it was not to keep power away from your squalid gene pool?

I personally  hold you  and your type of discontents responsible for much of this  inane chatter.
My gentleman Lord Fergus of Othnigar, has been a member of the dinner club ‘Gentlemen in surge’ for  many years. Do I really have to point out to you this is just a normal establishment for the well  at healed. The ‘Gentlemen in surge’ club was established in 1845  for those good souls who have a predilection for  wearing  suits, after dinner high jinx, and meeting similar parties of the right social stature.

Since 1991 I have had to put up with reading a lot of drivel, even in the quality press, blaming this club and presumably all it members for all the ills in the world. People saying it is a Jewish plot etc. Let me assure you there are no members of ‘Gents in Surge’ that are Jewish in origin (do you think the members of such an esteemed club would accept as a brother an individual of that dubious background? Well honestly that would take the biscuit! True the members do buy their suits from Manny Shinwell’s gentlemen’s outfitters Clarkenwell Berkshire, but surly nobody would think a tailor could weald any sort power when faced with the committee.

It has come to a pretty pass when every time there is some sort of to do in Arab land that the members of my employer’s club are blamed for it. Bombings, shootings and all sorts of goings on. Yes I read this sort of thing every day it now seems, gentlemen in surge did this that or the other they say. (I have also to mention as a side issue the falling standards of the education system, journalists nowadays use all sort of poor spellings and abbreviations hither and thither. Children these days seem far too concerned twonking on their Samsungs, and not being taught  how to write correctly, and I have to ask where are the teachers in all this? I have to say  standards have certainly gone down since the Nanny state outlawed the cane, strap, and noose from these comprehensive schools with their anything goes policies.)

Anyway back to the point, I want it to be known that blaming my employer’s club for every bally thing that goes on will have to stop, and I will be able to once again read my paper without headlines like ‘insurgents’  did this or that monkey business!

Mr Richard E. Costermonger Esq

Gentleman’s Gentleman.

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

For the attention of the inner sanctum of the Absurdish Liberation Army.

Dear non-gender specific individuals,
Now the transparent Revolution is well under way, I think our thoughts ought to turn to a post revolutionary numbering system.

The  problem  with all numbering systems used up  to this date is that  they all stem from the same beginnings, and although different societies have used  different bases for their numbers like a base of 60 in ancient Babylon, the almost universal  use of the decimal system used in engineering, and transactions now, or the binary system used in computing, it seems to me the presumptions  that came with  the first  known examples of  people using  numbers has never been questioned. This I propose has lead to a fundamental misunderstanding of the patterns within the numbering system which will not be challenged properly until we set up a new system of numbering which does not have these assumptions written into its very structure.

We have to remember the first known use of a numbering system had a specific purpose which was to record property. This system developed in ancient Iraq was for the specific purpose of quantifying property and recording transactions of a financial nature.
The sender would insert a number of stones in a ball of clay when sending sheep to another party.
The recipient would break the clay open and be able to check the number of sheep he received was the same as the stones in the clay, and in this way would know if any sheep had been lost in transit. The Numbers we use today developed from this system when signs started to be written on the outside of the clay to signify how many  stones were held within it.

This is the problem with our numbering systems because they are all developed from that original. They have in them a culture which inherently wishes to quantify the world. Is it any wonder with this system developed for the needs of the owning classes, that it produces societies which are materialist in nature? Systems which block together like things, without any reference to individuality so that they can be owned and used by unscrupulous individuals?  Yes Accountants!
A system which ratifies all the worst excesses of ownership. Think about it, every problem humanity has today is down to accounting. You can’t do this, have that, or spend your time enjoying life, because the system which is all about ownership and accountants says you can’t afford it.

You see this is the problem with using a system that has been developed for accountancy. It is inherently materialistic and reductive. It’s only interested in owner ship. Think of this simple example; John has two apples, he tales two more, how many apple has John? Answer four.
Where is the Morality?
I hope you can see in this equation how the insidious culture of the accountant is almost imperceptibly introduced to our children so that it will alter their entire consciousness!
If John has two Apples why would he need more?
Notice there is no means of referencing in the equation the possible hurt John might be causing through his actions, From where did he take the Apples, we can now we start thinking about it see how it creates an agenda where a person with power is enabled to just take what they wish whenever they wish without reference to a possible old lady who now her apples have been taken by the usurper John will have to go without!

When we look at the world and the exploitation of the corporations run by accountants of the third world, we can see why this simple propaganda done in the early days of schooling is a system they find so important to push onto us, if we are to rid ourselves of this inherent misconception that leads to so much suffering we need a new holistic maths not based on ownership!

Kevin Bevis Junior the twenty seventh point three point two five recurring.